First of April, and a Secret’s Revealed!

By: Sabin | April 1st, 2007

Well, it’s the first of April and the season opens in just under a week. In the midst of a lot of personal concern I have for the Revs this season, I came across a bit of news that may just make the difference for the team this year. While in New Orleans helping out in the St. Bernard province, the team came across an old parchment down there that shows the secret of the “Dead Strike”: a mythical kick that is said to move a ball so fast towards goal, it kills the grass as it flies over (perhaps the ultimate reason for Gillette Stadium’s FieldTurf install?).

The history of this mythical, spinning, supersonic strike is a twisted one, but I was able to trace down a little of it. In the mid 1800’s in England, Eggedy Banks, a young doctor of philosophy, world explorer, amateur football enthusiast, and part-time calligrapher came across an ancient Shinto ideogram on a wooden tablet while in his travels in the north of Japan. His skills in calligraphy and football finally being able to complement each other, he immediately recognized the kanji for what it was: a recipe for the perfect strike on goal.

He brought the ideogram back with him to England just in time for the beginning of professional soccer, though it was met with some reservation as it was already hard enough to keep the English grass in shape without adding this maneuver. Additionally, any striker who attempted the “Dead Strike” more than three times a game was plagued with injury. Dejected but not discouraged, Banks shared the secret with his brother in case England gave rise to a keeper who could benefit from the knowledge. He then left the country forever on a tramp steamer to Brazil where the grass was easier to grow.

The history becomes a bit cloudier after that point, but we do know that the strike took on different forms. We can see this in the form of Pele’s skill where the only keeper able to stop him in 1970’s tournament was the descendant of the English secret-keeper, Gordon Banks, who immediately recognized the famous header of the Brazilian master for what it was, and got a finger beneath it. How else can that save be explained? We also know that the mythical move continued to be used in Japan, as is evident by the number of dirt fields showcased in soccer themed anime such as “Whistle” and “Aoki Densetsu Shoot!”.

Eventually, the secret worked its way north to the early Louisiana settlements where it fell into the Revs’ hands last week. There are questions that remain: if the Revs were only able to procure the parchment this month, then why install FieldTurf last year? And what about their share of the Clint Dempsey transfer money? Why hasn’t that been spent yet? Could it be that the two are related? That there was knowledge in the Revs’ camp about this “Dead Strike” for many months? Perhaps the transfer money was spent in procuring the secret. This could also explain the Revs’ desire to play pre-season soccer against 2nd and 3rd division teams in the Gulf of Mexico area: to track down and ultimately buy the “Dead Strike” scroll. It also helps to explain Pat Noonan’s injuries — now if Steve Nicol can get him to only attempt the strike once per game, they’ll be in good shape.

However the scroll was discovered, we can sit tight knowing that such a powerful strike is now in the hands of our own Revs. We can rest easy in spite of Joe Franchino’s leave of absence, Michael Parkhurst’s shoulder injury, Noonan’s hernia, Taylor Twellman’s flu, and Shalrie Joseph’s desire to be traded. In spite of all of that and the undoubtedly questionable morale they all produce, we can rest easy knowing our team has the mythical “Dead Strike” in their possession. Heck, it even makes me feel better about the Revs playing on FieldTurf this season.